A Letter to My Heart

Dear Heart,

How are you? I know I keep you at a distance but I feel you often. You know it’s difficult for me to open that door. It only stays open but a short moment at a time. That’s about all I can handle. My Heart was not built to withstand the vulnerabilities of love. At least that’s what they kept trying to tell me. You know the advisors that are always whispering into your ear. Trying to convince you that your Heart is misleading you and it can’t be trusted.

Yes, that is what they have said. But I don’t believe them anymore. See I have watched you over the past year and I see something different inside you. You are moving a little quicker, pumping just a little harder, working very hard to build momentum. You are loving again! It looks good on you. Your color has changed and you smile more.

But heart my dear, I don’t want to be rescued because it indicates that I am weak, a victim needing assistance. I would much rather be redeemed. Being redeemed indicates that he is investing in my worth. But how will she be redeemed when she doesn’t know her worth? When she settles for far less than her father ever sought for his princess.

Yes dear, I learned that you must love self-first, good or indifferent. You must love yourself. You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and love all of you. Say to yourself in your current state. “I love you despite what you have done, you are worthy of so much more!”

Love who you are as you strive to live on purpose. Love the journey and grow, alone first. You must know yourself intimately before you allow another to know you that way. My dear heart this is how you guard yourself. Stay focused on your destiny and keep growing. Keep loving openly and honestly it will make you thrive. Love yourself dear heart, on purpose!

Fedora loves you.

Peace

Nobody But You by Algebra Blessett

Lovers,

I don’t know if any of you know what it feels like to belong to one man in mind, body, and spirit. Algebra captured the essence of it in her song. It resonated with my soul as I listened to her describe how I feel. You don’t want another person touching you when their touch is all you crave. You don’t allow others into your head because others will not understand why you talk and he listens. We live and love through music that’s why I share the tunes that go with the stories.

But today I dedicate this one to my Boaz because it’s how I feel baby!

Fedora loves you. Peace


Boy, listen
Everybody can’t be in my head
Everybody can’t sleep in my bed
Everybody can’t be up in my face
Everybody can’t be all in my space

Now I might fuss a lil’ bit, curse a lil’ bit
You know this, yeah
But if you trust a lil’ bit
You gonna get one hundred percent

I don’t want nobody but you
Don’t want nobody touching me, baby
But you
Don’t want nobody kissing me, baby
But you
Don’t want nobody loving me, baby
But you
But you, you, you

Everybody won’t understand my journey
Everybody won’t know how it heal what hurts me
Everybody can’t be written into my story
Just because they want me don’t mean they ready for me

Now I might throw a lil’ fit, talk a lil’ slick
I do this, yeah
I’m willing to go on and admit it that you a perfect fit
Baby, you the shit

I don’t want nobody but you
Don’t want nobody touching me, baby
But you
Don’t want nobody kissing me, baby
But you
Don’t want nobody loving me, baby
But you
But you, you, you

Never mind what you thought, you were in my heart
Never mind what you think, you were in my dreams
Never mind how it seems, you’re my everything
Never mind

I don’t want nobody but you
Don’t want nobody touching me, baby
But you
Don’t want nobody kissing me, baby
But you
Don’t want nobody loving me, baby
But you
But you, you, you
I don’t want nobody but you

Written by Edward Monroe Hill, Mark Daniel Sanders • Copyright © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group

Angels Are Hard to Love

I sat across from him at the table. He is so handsome, just like when I first met him almost 30 years ago. His light touch of gray lends to his distinguished look. So sexy. I shook my head because he is so sexy but also such an angelic spirit at times.

“Okay. Let’s focus.” I say to myself.

“What did you want to know?” He asks. He was always direct. Respected that about him. Except when it came to his heart. That was always indirect.

“I wanted to know how you are and how that relates to me?” I answered.

From this point on he begins to dig deep inside himself and tell me how he really is. He doesn’t look directly at me instead he directs his gaze to his right as he speaks. But I am looking directly at him. I know he is speaking truth because the last time he confessed his truth to me he did the same thing. He averted my eyes and spoke from his soul. That one was a huge one too. So, I anxiously await his words.

“My current relationship is over and we are separating in the next three months. She says I am selfish. I stopped cheating for her. She agreed to allow me to have her any way and anytime I wanted sexually so there was no need for other women. I stayed with her only. You know that is not my norm?” He says.

“Yes, I know that.” I reply.

“She is not submissive, she doesn’t take care of me, doesn’t want to cuddle, and won’t cook. I don’t understand why she just won’t love me. I don’t hang out in the street. I go to work and I come home to her. But she complains that I crowd her.” He says. I hear the pain in his voice as he speaks.

My mind immediately goes to our past relationship and how he never would love me that way. I knew it was in him to love that way but he always kept me at such a distance. I remember a time when I would do anything for him. All I wanted to do was love him so I gave myself to him completely especially sexually. I go to that place in my mind…

I stood in front of him to satisfy his visual pleasure. My black thigh high fishnets gripped the curves of my plump legs. The top rustled a little from the fullness of my thighs, as the garter clip tightened the grip. He loved the red garter and bra set. Of course, no panties was always the rule. My pussy glistened from the oil and moisture.

“What do you want baby?” I asked seductively.

“You on my lap.” He said.

I walked over towards him but stopped a few steps in front of him. I put my right foot on the table. Slowly I rubbed my fingers across my rock-hard clit. I moaned when they made contact. I maintained eye contact with him as I slipped my fingers inside my wet hole collecting all the cum. Then I took my fingers out and put them in his mouth. He licked them clean. Then pulled me to him.

I straddled him. His dick stood erect like the monument. I had to take my time. I slowly lowered my wet pussy on his head. Teased a little, only allowing the head to enter. He grabbed my hips. I motioned No. He loosened his grip. I continued to make love to his head. I felt the rush of cum from inside me. I submerged myself on him completely just as the orgasm hit me.

“Ooohhhh!!!!” I screamed.

The orgasm was intense and I began a steady stroke allowing him to feel all of my heat. I stroked him hard and fast gasping each time he hit the top of my pelvis. I took all of him inside me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful!” He said as he pulled my face to his.

He kissed me while I continued to ride him. We got lost in a momentum of kisses, humps, bumps and pulls. We rode together this way until he released the waterfall inside me. I collapsed on him, spent from the emotional, spiritual and physical energies we exchanged.

It was always that easy to get lost in each other. He continues to tell me about his previous marriage and how she went fatal attraction on him because she found out he was cheating. It sounded ugly. Thing is, I remember when he was dating her. He pushed me away just to be with her. Kept telling me I was only his friend, although he would melt just from me touching his hand. Who was he trying to convince me or himself?

I continue to listen. Now he is talking about how he doesn’t want to do this again. He wants to live alone for a while. He needs to reconnect with God but doesn’t really know what that looks like. I see the confusion on his face. As I listen I am reminded of the many years I was always so conveniently there after every break up. Always his ride or die. Until I crashed one day and I found myself alone. He wasn’t there for me.

I always knew he was in love with me but he was also fearful of our love and would not allow himself to bask in it. So, he kept me away from him a lot especially when he his heart was tender for me. But loving him on and off like this for almost 30-years had taken its toll on me. That’s why when he called, I suggested that we talk first. I don’t have time to pour into empty barrels anymore. No need to stir up things if there is nowhere to go.

“I wanted to know if we could do the same things we used to do? I didn’t know if you were in a relationship or even active anymore.” He asks.

Once again so direct. He wants the same thing. I remember him telling me that one of his fondest moments between us was the first time we were sexual. He was amazed at how wet my pussy was and that it soaked my panties. Thing is, I don’t even remember that night almost 30-years ago. But his directness is much appreciated today.

“No baby. I have grown so much since you saw me. I give myself to those who want all of me. I am a package deal now. When I wanted to love you, you rejected me every time and dumped me for the latest and greatest. Now you come and want me to do the same. I stopped loving you years ago. I love myself now.” I respond.

I am not angry, surprisingly not hurt either. I didn’t allow my heart to hope this time because well I know him. As I was talking I had an epiphany. I realized that I have always been his 30-year fling but he was always my love.

Igniting the fire of Love to heal thy heart.

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