Two Healed Hearts

When love matures it’s so noticeable. One day you realize that you are wearing each other like your favorite familiar skin. That’s not necessarily bad because it means you have entered a higher level of trust. The reality is that not everyone we encounter will gain access to this space. So when there is one there it’s noticeable.

According to Psychology Today mature healthy love:

“Waits, respects, gives the benefit of the doubt, listens, trusts, cares, accepts, takes pleasure in the successes and joys of the other, accepts love without question of motive or condition, forgives, lets go when necessary, says goodbye…but not perfectly and not always. (Smith, 2012)”

What I find amazing is that this corresponds with a Bible verse on love. I know many are so quick to discredit the Bible but it really does contain some truths to living in freedom.

“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end (2 Corinthians `13:3-7, MSG).”

This is a sweet time in your journey because you feel free to be your silly self without reproach, to kiss each other with morning breath and not get slapped. Yes moments where you realize you love all of them. So what do you do when you get here?

You love unconditionally, that’s what you do. You don’t condemn because they are less than perfect. All the men in my life have abandoned me emotionally and physically. Starting with the first man, my father. He died and never made amends. I never heard his story. I only know bits and pieces of it.

But parents you should know that it’s important for your children to hear your story. All of it even the bad parts. It will bring healing and understanding to them. We have so many generational curses that are upon us. Especially as black people. Our struggle is not only to exist but to also find out who we are. Our identity was stolen hundreds of years ago. Our families inherited the anger and defeat of many of our ancestors.

But today the Spirit stood up and said this family will be free. We will start anew and create a new legacy in both love, spirit, and relationships. Our children will not endure what we had to, they will experience true freedom and give it to their children.

Today I love and am loved completely. My heart, yes that’s what I call him, he takes care of me. God confirmed for me this morning that my heart will not abandon me. He is not like the others. I unconsciously attracted those who were similar to my father but not this time.

This is a fresh spirit, that gives back to me. That sustains me through our connection, which is our love. I will always be there he is saying and I will allow you is my response. Love and healing, an awesome combination.

Smith, A. (2012, November 15). Secrets to a strong, successful relationship. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201211/secrets-strong-successful-relationship

Fedora Loves You. Fedora Loves Poetry

 

Starting New

Recently God  broke some things up in my life. It was good though because I grew from the experiences. I closed some doors that should’ve been closed years ago. It was refreshing and empowering.

Did I tell you that I am afraid of love? Yes, I have been for most of my adulthood. I have been hurt a lot and decided it was safer not to trust my heart to a man. I am saddened by the number of men in this world who do not value women. The ones who are hurt and unloved use women as sex toys, bed warmers, friends with benefits etc. Whatever term you use to describe how they steal our virtue with no intentions of giving anything back to us. They use us, our bodies, and our benefits leaving us empty and depleted.

When I realized this pattern in my life, I took steps to take myself out of this cycle. I cannot fix the men but I can allow God to help me fix myself. First, I stopped giving away my virtue. I became celibate. I began to recognize the men who only wanted to use me and stayed away from them. I also paid attention to find out why some of them did it. (That’s another post, I promise)

 

I wrote a poem a few years ago about how men have wanted me but never cherished me just because they love me. I was presented with this love I have never known before. Guess what I almost ran away. Yeah, I know. Chicken. I finally meet a man who loves me the woman not just my body. He calls me beautiful each time I am in his presence. As he kisses me, his eyes show how much he feels for me.

This is refreshing but do you know what the most empowering experience was for me  recently? Looking at myself and falling in love with myself again. I love this woman! I love her more than he does.

I want to encourage all people not just women to understand the importance of loving yourself. You have to be able to embrace the good and bad things about yourself. As you allow God to show you the less than perfect you. Open your heart and also allow him to show you how to heal in that area so that you can be the best person you can.

Remember that perfection is not attainable but if we chase perfection we will catch excellence. You may never be perfect but you will excel as you travel the path to purpose and you will purposely give the best parts of yourself to others.

Facing Fears

Lovers,

I almost crashed and burned but I survived. That’s how the fear feels when you are bombarded with anxious thoughts. It’s no secret lovers that I am afraid of love. There I said it. Was is that bad? No, but it was liberating. So, for once instead of running away from my heart, I decided to run towards him. Still scared yes, but more scared of not experiencing our love.

So, facing my fears has forced me to crush the pain in my heart from old wounds. Allowing new love to burst its way into my being once again. It’s scary, its beautiful, its life and I love it!

It starts today! Make your declaration!

Hear their words in the song:

So sick of trying
So tired of lying
Past the point of dying
No compromising
And that fire we had girl just couldn’t survive the rain
Heard the weather man telling us that it was gonna shower some pain[Hook:]
Sometimes we want to work so bad we stay too long
Then too long turns to too much
Cuz too much’s how two hearts crushSometimes it gets too much
A lot of everything but no love
Just too much
That’s how two hearts crush

Arguing about everything
And having sex just to make me happy
Our folks think we got everything
But they don’t know that we so unhappy
Every time I hear a love song on the radio
I think of what we used to have but ain’t got no more
Like that fire we had girl just couldn’t survive the rain
Heard the weather man telling us that it was gonna shower some pain

[Hook:]
Sometimes we want to work so bad we stay too long
Then too long turns to too much
Cuz too much is how two hearts crush

Sometimes it gets too much
A lot of everything but no love
Just too much
That’s how two hearts crush

[x2]
I swear it feel like pain got a thang for me
It’s like love want me to be in pain and want me to leave
I swear it feel like pain got a thang for me
It’s like love want me to be in pain and want me to leave

Fedora Loves You. Fedora Loves Poetry. Facing Fears

 

Love & Sex – Joe featuring Fantasia

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do you mind if I share what I’ve learned?
Oh, oh, oh
There’s a difference between love and sex
Yes, it is!
There’s a difference yeah, yeah
Can I have it both of them?

I must confess I’ve had my share of girls in my lifetime
I’ve been around the, uh, uh
Honestly I’ve been on the wildest rise
But I’m older now,
And maybe I should slow it down!
But I’m not gon’ lie and say
That I don’t love the way it feels,
When I’m doing my thing
But something’s missing when it’s only a superficial fate
Baby, I’ve learned that…

[Hook:]
There’s a difference between love and sex
Yes it is!
There’s a difference between love and sex
Oh, finally I’ve learned
There’s a difference between love and sex
There’s a difference,
Oh baby, can I have both of them forever?

Seems like nowadays the heart is far removed
From the bedroom
The sex is not emotional!
Oh, the only focus is physical
But there is another level that we can see
If we all want something different, oh, oh

So I’m gonna add a little love into this equation
When I’m doing my thing,
Cause something’s missing
When it’s only a superficial thing
Finally, I’ve learned that…

[Hook:]
There’s a difference between love and sex
There’s a difference between love and sex
Finally I’ve learned
There’s a difference between love and sex
Yes it is, but can I have both of them?

Will sex can really blow your mind?
Will love ease it for you?
Could sex make up a wonderful life?
But love can make a wonderful life!
If we put them both together then we’ll be making love
And I should never have to choose
Which one I wanna do with you!

[Hook:]
There’s a difference between love and sex
Between love and sex, yeah, yeah
Took a while for me to see it
There’s a difference between love and sex
But finally I learned that
There’s a difference between love and sex
And I’m so glad that I know that
There’s a difference, but can I have both of them?

Igniting the fire of Love to heal thy heart.

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