I am in a great space right now. Peace has found her way into my heart, she pours out to as many who will receive her. Yes. I am at peace within myself and content. Have you ever taken a vow to love?
Why would we need such a vow? We should love freely but sometimes we want more in return. This can sometimes cause ripples in your peace. But they’re necessary at times. The ripples keep us in reality, in our truth. I love naturally but it has cost me over the years. I learned to be more discerning rather than to cut my heart off.
Being mad all the time takes too much energy. I don’t know any angry people who are happy and peaceful. So I choose to love instead of being angry. Yes love is a choice.
This may sound simple but it’s not. I have a few people close to me who I could rightfully be angry with but I chose not to. That doesn’t mean that I allow them to use me or anything. I just choose to focus my energy on positive emotions and not negative outcomes.
I have taken a vow to love all those God allows me to reach. So that is what I will continue to do Lovers!
How are you? I know I keep you at a distance but I feel you often. You know it’s difficult for me to open that door. It only stays open but a short moment at a time. That’s about all I can handle. My Heart was not built to withstand the vulnerabilities of love. At least that’s what they kept trying to tell me. You know the advisors that are always whispering into your ear. Trying to convince you that your Heart is misleading you and it can’t be trusted.
Yes, that is what they have said. But I don’t believe them anymore. See I have watched you over the past year and I see something different inside you. You are moving a little quicker, pumping just a little harder, working very hard to build momentum. You are loving again! It looks good on you. Your color has changed and you smile more.
But heart my dear, I don’t want to be rescued because it indicates that I am weak, a victim needing assistance. I would much rather be redeemed. Being redeemed indicates that he is investing in my worth. But how will she be redeemed when she doesn’t know her worth? When she settles for far less than her father ever sought for his princess.
Yes dear, I learned that you must love self-first, good or indifferent. You must love yourself. You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and love all of you. Say to yourself in your current state. “I love you despite what you have done, you are worthy of so much more!”
Love who you are as you strive to live on purpose. Love the journey and grow, alone first. You must know yourself intimately before you allow another to know you that way. My dear heart this is how you guard yourself. Stay focused on your destiny and keep growing. Keep loving openly and honestly it will make you thrive. Love yourself dear heart, on purpose!
It’s been a while I know. I have been on a tight schedule. Working hard writing my first book of fiction. It is hard work but I Love It! This is what I was born to do. Write and love. My two favorite things. I do them both very well too.
But Fedora has been working more than loving because I am focused on a goal. There is a new path before me and I want to explore it all. I want to be a published author. I want to love all the people God has blessed me to love unselfishly. But first I have to do this. I have to reach this goal.
I am working hard for my lovers to give more of my love through my words. So look for some new directions with my work. Experience my new passion. I have so much more to give!!!
I have a new theme song. Thank you Ledisi for this gem of a song. Another one pulled right out of my soul. The words, the music. Feel his love. Yes this is where I am living right now. Under God’s wing of love. Yes, I know this is not a worship song. But love heals so much. It starts with allowing God to love you unconditionally. Then you learn to love yourself the same way.
Fall in love with yourself. I love myself this way. If you want real love in your life you must love you first, then you show others how to love you.
Fedora loves you. Peace
Oh, feels so good to be back again
Nah nah nah
I’ve been thinking ’bout time
I’ve been thinking ’bout space
I know I might sound crazy
But I’m tryna get down in a real good space
I just wanna be safe
I just wanna feel good every morning, every single day
Every morning that I wake
I’ve been looking for a place
Where the sun shines all the time
Good loving in my soul is what I crave
I ain’t worried ’bout the hate (uh-uh)
Last year was a good year for your girl
I’ve been keeping up with the pace
So don’t be coming with the bull
Had a good year, now you starting to see my face
Ain’t worried ’bout the fate
Kinda over all he hard times I’ve been through
(Love brought me to you)
And I kinda feel loose
My heart I choose
My heart been broke down in the dirt and I finally see blue
Raised hands feel focused
And I’m done being broken
And I talked about love, real love
You the only thing that get me up
I’m high
Got me so far off that I could fly
Watch me fly
Keep me high in your blue sky
It’s about damn time
I just wanna be high
You’re making me high (hi-hi-high)
Oh baby, let’s fly
I just wanna be high
Don’t know what you did to me
But I know how you feel for me
I just wanna be high
Ooh, let me just fly in blue skies
I just wanna be
Deep down and I’m feeling
Finally I’m winning
Finally I’m feeling real good
‘Cause you’re loving deep down, working in my soul
I ain’t never felt this damn whole A lot of dicks, they kill me (yep!)
But your love can heal me
‘Cause your love feel good when I’m down
You could pick me up
I ain’t never in the dust
Got me falling deep down in your love
Oh, and when you never gotta rush
Kinda over all he hard times I’ve been through
(Love brought me to you)
And I kinda feel loose
My heart I choose
My heart been broke down in the dirt and I finally see blue
Raised hands feel blessed
I ain’t worried ’bout the stress
I’m talking ’bout love, real love
You the only thing that get me up
I’m high
Got me so far up, I could fly
Watch me fly
Oh, keep me high in your blue sky
Watch me fly
I just wanna be high
Oh, you’re making me high
I just wanna be high
High in your blue sky
I just wanna be high
You don’t know what you did to me
Making me, making me high
High, high
I wanna be high, I wanna be just loved
Wanna be just loved, wanna be, wanna be
I just wanna stay right here
Away from the world
My focus recently has been on love and pain. Most of the time I choose not to deal with the pain because pain can be negative. I don’t like to dwell there. But recently I have realized that my avoidance of this topic is exactly what has been keeping me stuck.
I learned the power and purpose of pain. Pain had taken over me and had produced something ugly and scary. I didn’t know who that person was. She was so scared and full of hurt. Then the hurt turned into anger and the anger just kept boiling and boiling but never came to an end. I was stuck in a never-ending cycle. But I had to stop it, so I knew what to do. I reached out and I got help.
God is always there and ready whenever we face things that are bigger than us. All we need to do is reach out and say, “I need help.” God will send help. Help may be found in a friend you can be real with, a counselor, a minister, your parent, etc. It depends on who God sends. But make sure you look for someone you can trust. You can’t handle this on your own. I found my person and I reconnected with God. I allowed Him to show me the path I should be on instead of that path of pain and anger.
When you stay in a place of hurt you allow yourself to become a weapon against another person. When you are being used in that way you can do damage. In some cases, irreversible damage. That struck home with me as I watched an episode of Being Mary Jane when her best friend committed suicide. I’m not saying that it was Mary Jane’s fault or anything. But after she found out about the incident between her best friend and her ex-boyfriend, she refused to talk to her friend. She shut her out. I thought that was a callous thing to do especially when she knew her friend was suicidal.
So sometimes pain will drive us to the point where we cannot help those who are weaker than us because we can’t see past our own hurt and anger enough to see what’s going on with the people around us. We are of no use to anyone when we are in that mode.
I have chosen to live differently and not purposely hurt others because of my own pain. If I find myself stuck and going into that path, I will ask for help because I don’t want to be used as a weapon to hurt people anymore. I know that I may never be perfect and I will probably hurt someone else again. But not in a way that I could have avoided. So, on this new path. I listen. I listen before I respond. I respond according to what I hear. I pay attention more. I deal with my crap and I live in freedom from hurting others because I can’t deal with my own pain.
Pain has another purpose as well. God uses pain to prune us of traits that are damaging to our spiritual and emotional growth. It is often the pain that leads us to a path of healing. We will seek the help we need because we don’t want to hurt anymore. Sometimes it may seem unfortunate that we must hurt so bad just to be set free. But think about the story of Jesus and how much pain he endured to set others free.
Paul had a thorn in his side that God refused to remove because he said his grace was sufficient. The painful thorn was his point of humility. It is what kept him from returning to his old ways. It’s what reminded him of his limitations. I have moments like that. I cannot return to certain situations that I allowed myself to be in before because there is a sensitive spot in my heart that reminds me of what is there should I return to that path.
Now in each scenario pain is used to produce something. But in the latter one it’s not being used as a weapon. But a point of contact, a reminder, it’s just a sore spot. When pain and anger couple together it becomes a powerful weapon that digs in and hurts. It’s not a sore spot, it’s a gaping gash. That is much different. I challenge you today to find your healthy place in the power and purpose of pain. Don’t be a weapon get healed today.
