Lovers, it has been a while since I have shared my world with you. So much has happened. Fedora has expanded services and is now a full blown company. But I realized that I must return to my first love, writing!
Today I want to write about love and relationships. How do we maintain self in a relationship especially when your partner demands to have the attention, the concessions, the control, and the room to hurt you anytime with their selfish demeanor, anger, and words. I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. I have survived multiple traumas, including being hit by a car. So the triggers are now active for me daily. They come when I least expect it and it produces a wave of emotions that hits me like a tidal wave.
But over the past year with counseling, meditation, and self care, I have learned to manage the emotions of the triggers. I have learned to look at it for the lie it is, saying, “No, Thank You!” and keep it moving. Only good things from this point in my life. Love should not have to be demanded or proven over and over again. When a person does not properly love himself, they do not have the capacity to love others properly.
Unfortunately, I have found myself in this scenario far too many times. Many of those times, at my own choosing. But now my eyes are open and I am not falling for the manipulation, the foolishness that keeps trying to take my life and keep me down. I have too much life to live and will never allow another being to stop me again! Not even my husband whom I love way too much. Love is not an excuse to be purposely disrespectful and dishonoring. When you demean people who have unconditionally stood by you for the sake of a better life, then turn around and give all the pearls that should be yours to someone else, it can make people flip mentally.
Because now they feel foolish and taken advantage of. Some people resort to retaliation, or self harm. Those situations that make it to the news about couples who kill each other after a situation like this comes to the surface. People’s mental capacity can crack because all they can see is I gave so much to this person and relationship. This is how they show your loyalty, love, and gratitude to me? It is a hard pill to swallow and digest.
I challenge all of you Lovers, to treat yourself and others better. Stop lying to people and appearing false to use others for selfish gain that will potentially bring harm and pain to all involved. It is a choice to be a better person. A choice I made many years ago after I had to look at the aftermath of my cycle of pain and destruction. I hurt many people unknowingly. But whether I knew or not I could not rest knowing that I caused another so much heartache and stunted their growth.
So to all of those whom I hurt when I was walking in my pain and misery, I sincerely apologize and ask that you forgive me. As I have grown and healed, I have learned that it is important to the healing process to make amends. Sometimes we just need to have our pain acknowledged and have a sincere apology rendered so we can move past the pain. But for those of us who cannot always get the apologies, allow God to show you the truth and carry you through a healing process so you can make amends spiritually and move on.
Only good things in my life going forward! That is what I will live and die on from this point. Be blessed Lovers and keep following Fedora. I am only getting started!