Love and Pain

Lovers,

Here is another playlist featuring music about my latest topic the collision of love and pain. Who wins?

Well in Fedora’s world love always prevails. So listen and enjoy the ride. Don’t forget to visit my YouTube channel and become a subscriber. I have much more coming for you soon.

Fedora loves you. Peace

Love Among Thorns

I love you
Despite your brokenness
Despite that you have
Torn my heart apart

I love you
Because you deserve
Love just like I do
Embrace my love

As you move forward
Do your best to break free
From the things that
Broke you in the first place

Strive to be a person
Who heals
Instead of hurts
Love yourself
Unconditionally
As God does

I love you
Among your thorns
I delight in your fruit
Born from our love

Back to My Life

Drawing a line in the sand symbolizes that you have reached the limit with something. Simply put enough is enough. This week I have been pushed to my limits with people and situations that have attempted to overload me emotionally and push me into abandoning my path to follow theirs.

I broke up with someone a few years ago who has refused to let me go. I allowed him to stay close for a while because he was a good friend. But he hurt me deeply when he made choices to maintain relationships with his ex-girlfriend. I was not going to be second to any woman especially when the man was constantly trying to convince me that I am first. But that is exactly the thing he was trying to convince me. There should be no convincing needed! Either I am or I am not.

Clearly I was not number one and he was selfish. I put the Letoya Luckett song “Back 2 Life” on my site because it tells a truth that I am clearly living right now. I am so damn tired of men wasting my time with their selfish agendas and I am not allowing it anymore. The key phrase in her song that resonates with me is “You can have those other bitches Cause I’m not the jealous type.” I’m not. I am a beautiful woman who brings a lot to the table so any man who thinks he has better in the other woman should keep right on walking to her.

So today I am done! I claim my healing from the wound he left in my heart when he wanted her more than me. When she was his priority but I was only when he needed something. She should be his woman, so that’s why I removed myself so he would be free to seek whomever he wanted. I love myself too much to allow any man to devalue me. I draw my line in the sand. I am ready to move forward.

I am getting back to my life, back to reality.

Sometimes We Die a Little

Sometimes
Our hearts cause us
To make decisions that
Bring us joy

While our mind
Tells us to stop
Because it thinks
It needs more

Sometimes
The simple things
Are enough
To satisfy

But the masses
Keep saying
You need
To multiply
To diversify

Sometimes
Our lives spiral
Out of control
Not because we lie
But because
We choose to die

When we make choices
That reflect the world
Choosing not to live
According to His word

Sometimes
We forget
That we are humans
Flawed from within

Failing to realize
With God
We will always win

The Story of Us – We Go Deeper

Dear Heart,

We go deeper still!! But not physically. Emotionally, intimately, and purposefully united. We opened ourselves to the other. We didn’t talk much before, we unspokenly expressed what was inside our hearts. It consumed us most of the time and we failed to properly communicate what really needed to be said. This climaxed into a situation that resulted in a brief separation of our hearts, which told us much more than we were ready to deal with. We go much deeper.

I spent time trying to avoid the space that I am in at present. I wasn’t ready to be entangled with another’s heart. But God had other ideas of course. Some that already has me questioning whether Karma is kicking my ass again. Especially, after I ran into the very first one, who entangled my heart, at the mall. Blew me back 28 years when I first encountered him and his heart. It was still there in that moment. We instinctively touched each other inside and out. But he left my heart many years ago and I wasn’t trying to get back here so soon.

But as I lay here in the same space with my beloved, angry and loving him. We avoid the space that sits between us. It is uncomfortable but neither of us wants to budge. I am so angry that I want to leave right now in the middle of the night and make him wonder where I had gone and why. But my heart will not allow me to move.

Instead we speak to each other through music. The shell is threatening to harden over his spot. But God is speaking at that moment through an angelic song that whispers into my soul, “Let him love you” “Let him love you”, continuously until the hardness ceases. I allow him to love me.

This morning, he greets me with his touch. He wants to cuddle. I given in for a minute but I then I pull away, in pain. No, real physical pain. It has been there for two days. Now it is hitting me again. He touches me and guides my hands to his face. I touch him and move my fingers purposely around his face, his head, his neck, and his shoulders. I feel his energy come inside me and my pain begins to dissipate. I feel his love through our skin. Our hearts melt right before us, then we talk. Really talk about what happened. There are no excuses given, only the acknowledgement followed up with an unspoken promise of never again.

A defining moment for us because it is just us together, quiet, stillness, no television, no music, just our hearts, and the breath that draws between us. Peace is her name and she visits us often. He tickled me with his tongue, twirled it around my armpits, my neck, and back again until I laughed uncontrollably and loved every second of it. I left his presence floating like a queen who had been fully loved and admired by her beloved. He rescues me each time from the hardening from the closure of my heart by loving me intently and deliberately.

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Lovers,

Here is another playlist featuring music about my latest topic the collision of love and pain. Who wins?

Well in Fedora’s world love always prevails. So listen and enjoy the ride. Don’t forget to visit my YouTube channel and become a subscriber. I have much more coming for you soon.

Fedora loves you. Peace

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When love matures it’s so noticeable. One day you realize that you are wearing each other like your favorite familiar skin. That’s not necessarily bad because it means you have entered a higher level of trust. The reality is that not everyone we encounter will gain access to this space. So when there is one there it’s noticeable.

According to Psychology Today mature healthy love:

“Waits, respects, gives the benefit of the doubt, listens, trusts, cares, accepts, takes pleasure in the successes and joys of the other, accepts love without question of motive or condition, forgives, lets go when necessary, says goodbye…but not perfectly and not always. (Smith, 2012)”

What I find amazing is that this corresponds with a Bible verse on love. I know many are so quick to discredit the Bible but it really does contain some truths to living in freedom.

“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end (2 Corinthians `13:3-7, MSG).”

This is a sweet time in your journey because you feel free to be your silly self without reproach, to kiss each other with morning breath and not get slapped. Yes moments where you realize you love all of them. So what do you do when you get here?

You love unconditionally, that’s what you do. You don’t condemn because they are less than perfect. All the men in my life have abandoned me emotionally and physically. Starting with the first man, my father. He died and never made amends. I never heard his story. I only know bits and pieces of it.

But parents you should know that it’s important for your children to hear your story. All of it even the bad parts. It will bring healing and understanding to them. We have so many generational curses that are upon us. Especially as black people. Our struggle is not only to exist but to also find out who we are. Our identity was stolen hundreds of years ago. Our families inherited the anger and defeat of many of our ancestors.

But today the Spirit stood up and said this family will be free. We will start anew and create a new legacy in both love, spirit, and relationships. Our children will not endure what we had to, they will experience true freedom and give it to their children.

Today I love and am loved completely. My heart, yes that’s what I call him, he takes care of me. God confirmed for me this morning that my heart will not abandon me. He is not like the others. I unconsciously attracted those who were similar to my father but not this time.

This is a fresh spirit, that gives back to me. That sustains me through our connection, which is our love. I will always be there he is saying and I will allow you is my response. Love and healing, an awesome combination.

Smith, A. (2012, November 15). Secrets to a strong, successful relationship. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201211/secrets-strong-successful-relationship