Just Some of My Thoughts on… Focusing Your Heart

Focus Your Heart

I did not believe that I could ever get to the point where I did not “like” him. I love him so much that I never imagined that anything could make me feel how I have felt about him at times. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love, or that I am cold. It simply means that something he did or said hurt me so much that it also cut into the chords of love. It cut me that deep.

I was married for 24 years (physically separated for 10 years), had an almost 30 year fling (I will tell you that story), had a 10 year relationship where my partner passed away, and now I just started the eighth year of my best relationship. Capricorns love commitment! We are not ones to waste our time on short term relationships. When we are in, we are all in.

Like or Love

I have learned that it is important to “like” the person you decide to spend your life with. Think about it, you are going to spend the majority of your waking life in the same house with this person. Imagine, if it was someone who actually got on your nerves, I mean like fingernails on the chalk board. Now, you are bound to live with them in the same house forever!

  • What is your first thought?
  • Are you cringing?
  • Are you saying (in excitement), “Ohhh we can do this….”?
  • Are you crying?
  • Are you numb?

Don’t disregard that first thought. It’s real. If it’s not what you expected, then please take note and deal with it. See, I have always looked forward to “our” time because I like him. I mean really like him. But even the most loving and likable people can do things to make you not desire to be in their presence, when they lead with their ugly side that is full of pain.

Tread Lightly

We should always honor a person’s boundaries because once you cross them. You may not be able to go back to the other side. I learned this the hard way, both by violating another’s boundary and having my boundary violated. Dwelling with someone you don’t “like” can feel like being locked up with your enemy. You are on guard every day, every second. You don’t have any peace.

After living this way for almost fifteen years, I vowed never to create that type of existence again. I did work on myself to make a conscious effort to respect boundaries and to ask that my boundaries are respected as well. By doing so, I am making a purposeful effort to put forth my best and to maintain the balance of peace, love, and joy.

Lead w/ Love

But one day I found myself sitting on the opposite side of the couch. I was not cuddled next to him. I didn’t want to be. All I could see was the man who cut deep into my heart with his nasty words and his angry demeanor. All I could see was the hurt person who hurt innocent people just because they were in the crossfire. All I could see was the person who lived by the motto, “I am going to get you before you get me.” Daily life with him had become a daily war. So, I sat on the opposite side of the couch until one day I finally said it. “I don’t like you anymore.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t like HIM. I didn’t like the ugly side of him that he chose to lead with. We all have ugly sides to ourselves. In fact he doesn’t like my ugly side either. So why do we choose to lead with Mr./Mrs. Hyde instead of walking in the best part of ourselves?

It takes two to make a relationship work but it only takes one to tear it down. I choose not to be the one to tear down anymore of my relationships. I choose to lead with the loving part of me even when my partner is not reciprocating because I will have peace and joy knowing I gave my best.

I don’t want any other people thinking about me in disgust, saying under their breath “I can’t’ stand her.” Now, that may still happen because there will always be people driven by envy and jealousy. I lead with love even with them but I don’t allow them in my circle.

Fedora Loves You! Peace.