I attended a wedding of a good friend today. It was beautiful, a true vision of love. The bride sang to her husband while walking down the isle. He dropped a tear. Who wouldn’t after such a public declaration of love?
My man and I had a good time. We danced and I sang to him at our table. Weddings have a way of bringing out emotions. In this case it reminded me of how much we love each other. But they can also shine lights on the holes in us emotionally. Weddings may be seen as perfect so to speak because it celebrates the newness of love. Which can be like a breath of fresh air.
But the newness wears off. You come out of the honeymoon phase and you begin to live in reality with your spouse. Why do we forget to love each other? Why does everything else become more important than our love? During the toast the newlyweds were advised to keep date night. That keeps your love alive after you walk in reality.
There are so many things that will come to compete with your love. Some may trump your ability to remain “in love” but you have to choose to love and to feed your love. It has to be on purpose. Always make time for each other daily just for the two of you.
Sounds great doesn’t it. But it doesn’t always work that way. We forget or we get tired, or only one person is really pushing for it. My relationship is solid with holes. I know you may say that doesn’t make sense. How can it be solid with holes?
In relationships holes exist from the lack of effort to nurture our love. Every time we allow love to lapse due to circumstances, we create new holes. Distractions come, life happens and we adjust. But sometimes we don’t love during these times. We fight, we live separately in the same house, we bring other people into the relationship or we are simple selfish. Always taking but not depositing half of what we take back into our spouse.
Each time this happens without action to secure the love, it creates a hole. A hole that goes empty or one we may try to fill with other things. For couples who have been together for more than five years and do not go back to fill those holes, they can easy fall into the holes. Relationships take work daily, weekly, and monthly.
So why is it so damn hard to go back and fix things when you love each other? Why does everything else become more important than your love? Perhaps it is because it is a choice to love and purposely give time to each other to express that love.
What are you choosing instead of choosing to nurture the love or fill some of those holes you left? It takes both of you to make this work, to keep the relationship solid. But don’t leave those holes too long. Go back and give your spouse what you promised during that newlywed phase. Fill those holes regularly to keep your relationship growing and your love strong.
Fedora Loves You! Peace