Consider this scenario, a high-powered career woman brings her power home and attempts to dominate her husband. She attempts to overrule him by shouting, speaking disrespectfully to him, cutting him off when he is speaking, and overriding his guidance to do her own thing. He immediately shuts her out and does not respond to her. She continues getting louder, meaner, and more demanding. He turns a deaf ear to her and refuses to talk to her. Then, she complains because he won’t communicate and continues to fuss regardless of whether he responds or not. She continues to nag him daily getting the same response from him, silence. Eventually he begins spending more time out of the house to avoid this daily scene. Sound familiar?
A real man will earn his woman’s respect which includes not allowing her to speak to him in a disrespectful manner. The same applies to the woman, she earns a level of respect with her man and will not allow him to speak to her in a disrespectful manner. But many people harbor hurt and unresolved relational issues that they carry into new relationships. Sometimes their current partner, who are not the one who hurt them, are treated as though they were. The man may do or say something to hurt his wife, that has absolutely nothing to do with her. The wife may respond by shutting down emotionally and being verbally disrespectful to her husband. They both have allowed past hurts to reverse the roles in their relationship. Ladies, even if your man did something to hurt you in the relationship, it is not a license to disrespect him because it will not repair the rift that exists between you, it will make it wider.
Lovers, in order to embrace a honest, loving relationship you must respect yourself first, extend that respect to your partner and break this vicious cycle of pain. You have to deal with your issues first. Face the pain and disappointment that has caused you to distrust in relationships. Look at yourself in the mirror and yell at yourself the way you are yelling at your man. How does it feel? Do you feel compelled to respond in a positive way? Neither does he. Which is why he shuts you down and doesn’t communicate with you. The way to a man’s heart is not by being loud, disrespectful, quarrelsome, nagging, and obnoxious.
Catch more bees with honey
I heard an analogy this weekend where honey was used to show how you can attract all types of things, because your hands are sticky. The sticky nature of honey will make almost anything stick to it, even things you may not want. But honey is also sweet. Sweet things bring out goodness, satisfaction, and cravings for more of those sweet things. The same applies to having a sweet loving demeanor. It brings out goodness in the people who are exposed to it and its sticky, making them desire more. They will achieve so much satisfaction that they will begin to seek more of it. You will see people gravitate to you.
If you were presented with a person who is mean and grumpy versus someone who is loving and caring, which person would you gravitate towards? Men state that sometimes they don’t even speak to certain women because of how they carry themselves. When they attempt to say hello, they will give them a, “Don’t you talk to me!” look instead of a warm smile that says, “Hello.” That same woman may go home and question why men aren’t talking to her. Never realizing that she is pushing them away with her sour demeanor. You can catch more bees with honey!
Self Love vs Selfish Love
A successful relationship takes two people who are willing to deal with their shortcomings and not allow them to hinder their ability to love and care for their partner. If you know you are not able to do that, then you should not be in a relationship because all relationships require compromise. It is not about you anymore! It is selfish to punish someone else because you are unhappy with yourself. Another person cannot cure your unhappiness and make you love yourself. Attempting to do so will bring heartache to both of you.
Self love is the key to breaking this vicious cycle. Whether man or woman, you should always desire to present your best self to the world. But first you need to get in touch with that person, inside. Take a journey into yourself and learn how to attract more bees with honey. End that contentious cycle today.
Fedora Loves You.