It took me two months to overcome my anger. The loss was significant for both of us, and we felt it equally. We had been inseparable for four years since October 1, 2019. The anger I felt during my grief was about the loss. I couldn’t help but wonder why we let things go so far. At one point, neither of us was willing to give in, and fear overpowered our love, ultimately leading to our separation.
Empty Nest
Now, for the first time since I was 21, I am on my own. My children are grown and living on their own. I have my time to myself, guided by God. I no longer have to divide my loyalty between him and God. I don’t have to feel like serving God and fulfilling my purpose is a dirty little secret. God cannot be contained in a box, closet, or any space. He is omnipresent, present within our hearts!
It was in my heart that I found God once again. My heart initially drew him to me, the purity of his love and desire not based on anything but me. Not what I could do or who I knew but me. The heart connection is profound and not easily broken. So, where is my heart now after the anger and grieving? It still loves my man.
Love vs. Hate
Part of me wants to hate him, but I don’t. We are all redeemable creatures, and hate only destroys us. Even those who enslaved our ancestors did so out of fear and hate. It eats you alive. I still love him, but I don’t like who we have become to each other. I don’t like how he mishandled me, nor how I responded to it. The PTSD was at an all-time high while we dwelled together. Weekly triggers led to days of fighting, negative energy, and power struggles.
Calm After the Storm
But since the separation, the triggers have become less frequent, and there’s no fighting or power struggles. Instead, calm waters, clarity, creativity, and peace. I am finally in control of myself and intend to remain in this place, where I can thrive and love. No one will ever cause me to give up on love because God is love. Love is my foundation, and it’s where I began and separated.
Fedora Loves You!
Peace
Fedora Loves Poetry 
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