Just Some of My Thoughts…. Return to Love

Return to Love…

I have been quiet for a while because Fedora has been on her journey. Her journey of growth and freedom. I have learned much about myself and how loving myself before others helps to maintain your personal freedom. It becomes a part of you that no one can take.

A select few may be able to touch her there but cannot take HER away. To maintain a healthy love relationship, you must include time for self. Giving all of ourselves in any relationship depletes your soul. Self is your soul, your inner man, your third eye. If you deplete it, you begin to die. Love begins within self. A healthy love for self will allow you to love another in a healthy way.

I have returned to love after working on self. I am loving HIM again. It has brought out some wounds. I know that you want me to tell you that love in its self is perfect. But it is not, love has a negative side as well that allows pain. If you love another within your heart and soul, you will experience pain. Yours and theirs because you are infinitely connected, like the infinity symbol.

But this time I am facing what is being seen and accepted. Growing in love means being able to stand in the mirror. To understand that to get the best of someone’s heart and soul requires giving the best of self.  This requires that you face things when they show up, do not excuse the behavior, accept the truth about why it exists, and then release it.

Once you release it, do not pick it back up. It’s done. Learn how to grow from it not be stuck in it. You don’t want to be self-rooted in anything that will keep you from growing. As long as you can see your growth, your know you are living. When you are glowing and growing, then you know you are loving.

Returning to love has been scary for me, but it is showing me my true self. It shows me that I am tough, I am soft, I am peace, I am fire, I am confident, I am fearful, and I am grounded spiritually. I can finally use what I have learned to love openly, wisely and truly.

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Just Some of My Thoughts on…. Did I Make You This Way

Did I make you this way…

Are we really responsible for the outcome of those we intertwine our lives with? Yes, you blend your life with them. You share intimate parts and you build. But what happens when it all shatters?

Fingers begin pointing. Mostly outward towards the other person. You made me this way. You… You… You… How many of us look inside to own our part in the situation. In reality that person was not in the relationship alone so in reality how can they bear all the blame.

When we are hurt, that is what the anger and pain do. They blame apparent source of that pain. If you had not left… If you had not hit me… If you had not cheated… It can go on and on. But what did you do to contribute to them leaving? Didn’t you see the warning signs in their behavior?

At times we will put on blinders to the truth simply for the sake of relationship. We don’t want to be a failure again. I don’t want to leave a broken home. It’s not as bad as it seems. He won’t do it again.

In reality they will do it again unless they have a change in their heart. But their change has little to do with you change. If you find yourself in a pattern. You attract similar or pick similar mates then end up at the same point. Unfulfilled, angry, lonely and empty inside. So, of course we blame them. Why can’t I find someone who will….

The common denominator in each of these scenarios or relationships is YOU! So why do YOU keep pointing your finger outward? When will you finally see the reflection in the mirror that has been in your face? Guess where to start in understanding why you are here yet again?

You start with yourself. Examine why you entered each relationship. What did you really give in each of those relationships that was worthy of love, of honor? What did you give that contributed to the already existing pain of yourself or others?

Hard questions but I guarantee if you look in the mirror you will begin to see your truth and start to find your answers. You will really find out who made you this way.

My Man by Tweet

The one thing me and your ex-girl have in common, baby
We share the same love for the same ol’ man
And I’m the only girl, the only girl (Listen)
So how does she feel she can:

Come around (come around), calling you (calling you) like it’s all good
Violating what I’ve worked so hard for? (Listen)
It’s really not a game
When it comes to the level of respecting me
And must I say this no more

He’s my man, my turf
That’s why I come first
Loves me and appreciates my worth
Through the good and bad, happy and the sad
Through all the hard times it’s true love defined

He’s my man, my turf
That’s why I come first
Loves me and appreciates my worth
Through the good and bad, happy and the sad
Through all the hard times, it’s true love defined

I…I’ll give you reasons to claim you’re love
Because she needs to know where we stand
And I don’t mean to talk about this relationship
But I think your ex has a plan
To come around (come around) , try to take you from me
Violating what I worked so hard for
And it’s a shame, I must repeat myself
And I’m not gonna say it no more:

He’s my man, my turf
That’s why I come first
Loves me and appreciates my worth
Through the good and bad, happy and the sad
Through all the hard times
It’s true love defined

He’s my man, my turf
That’s why I come first
Loves me and appreciates my worth
Through the good and bad, happy and the sad
Through all the hard times
It’s true love defined

Let him go (let him go) let him go

He’s my man, my turf
His love
You gotta let him go
My heart
His love
My man
[repeat until end]

Songwriters: Nisan C. Stewart / Melissa A. Elliott / Cortes Ellis / Craig Xavier Brockman

My Man lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Universal Music Publishing Group, Reservoir Media Management Inc

Afraid by Xavier Omar

Losing love, unrequited
Was it truly love? undecided
Hard times, I’m broken
Past lies, they leave you open
I try, I’m hopeless
At night, no way of coping
With this shredded heart
Can I get reparations for the pain?
Baby I’m afraid
Really I’m afraid

Of giving you what they all messed up
My stress up
Took them pictures and I dressed up
Looking blessed up
You need something and I got you
I spot you
Til i see your love is not true
It’s not true
And I’m scared of what that feels like
Looking stupid out in real life
Baby I’m Afraid
Really I’m Afraid

[Chorus]
Of loving you
(I’m so afraid to love you)
With all my heart, my time
(I’m so afraid of hurting again)
Baby I’m afraid
(I’m so afraid to love you)
Really I’m afraid
(I’m so afraid of hurting again)

[Verse 2]

God has not given us the spirit of fear
But the spirit of love looking like it’s not here
I don’t doubt your heart, I just know things change
It just leads to pain, I still bleed the same

I still say I’m fine, but I leave my brain
Dont’ wanna think no more, I can’t defeat my shame
Don’t wanna play no more, I can’t defeat this game
But that phone still rings, can’t delete your name

‘cuz you give to me
Everything I pray for, every single day for
Listen to me, honestly
You don’t have to wait for me to feel I’m safe or
That I’m ready this time
I want no one else, not “too” focused on myself
It’s just baby I’m afraid
Really I’m afraid

[Chorus]
Of loving you
(I’m so afraid to love you)
With all my heart, my time
(I’m so afraid of hurting again)
Baby I’m afraid
(I’m so afraid to love you)
Really I’m afraid
(I’m so afraid of hurting again)

Oh How I Love You by Zacardi Cortez