Tag Archives: acceptance

Am I in Love?

How do you know if you are in love with someone or if you are in love with the feeling? by Coach Athena https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-know-if-you-are-in-love-with-someone-or-if-you-are-in-love-with-the-feeling/answer/Coach-Athena?share=1ab00e48&srid=hjRzm

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Do You Know How Much He Loves You

Unfortunately, I don’t have fond memories of love in my life. The majority of people who said they loved me, also hurt me. Therefore, I grew up with a distorted view of love.

As a young woman I realized that men gave me attention because of my physical appearance and somewhere in my head equated that to finding love. Little did I know they were only seeking their own lustful desires. I am glad that I now know the difference and no longer seek love through sex.

But I still struggle with receiving love. When I first started my healing journey, I had to learn about loving myself first. Only through self-love would I be able to receive love from others. I had not realized that somewhere along my painful journey I believed I was unlovable.

Thank God for healing, as I no longer feel this way. I love myself and give love to others freely. But I still struggle with receiving love. I actually struggle with recognizing love as well. This is something that I have been working on in my Spiritual walk.

God mimics love for us in how he cares for us. Love is not a word that is said but rather something that is done. There have been numerous occasions where God has revealed the actions of love bestowed upon me by others that I had missed.

This is what I have learned:

  • People who love you stay connected to you. They may not be in your life everyday but they are always there if you need them. They show you that through their actions.
  • People who love you may not always say how much they love you. But they may sing your praises to others.
  • People who love you will give of themselves to help you when you are in need. It’s like they are compelled to do so because they cannot stand to see you suffer.
  • People who love you encourage you to be your best. They don’t pretend like they don’t see your shortcomings, they love all of you, even the shortcomings.
  • People who love you will protect you. While you may get hurt in any relationship, a person who loves you seeks to protect the beloved from harm and danger. Like a mother shields her young.

This is not intended to be an exhaustive list of how love is displayed but it is a glimpse into being able to recognize love in your life. I have spent too many years running away from those who love me due to my own fears. So as I recognize some of these acts of love in my life and relationships I am moving toward them now instead of away.

Yes, I want to know how much he really loves me, so I am paying attention and embracing all that God has for me in the second half of my life.

Fedora Loves You. Peace!

Forgiveness is Easy, Forgetting is another Chapter

Lover’s I realize that I am in a healing space right now. Someone has hurt me deeply to the core of my being and I must forgive them. It has been hard because the people who hurt me are people I love.

I must forgive so that I can move on but I do not forget. Nor do I allow those people back into my life so easily. They have to earn a place in my life. They have to earn my trust, loyalty, love again. It will not be freely given.

Should they choose not to return, that is just fine. I have made peace with all of them. I have found my safe place and have managed just fine without them. Yes I miss them sometimes but being alone is worth the peace I have gained.

To those who are still selfishly hurting others. Take a minute and consider your own pain. Imagine someone digging a weapon in your open wound and how unbearable it would be emotionally. That’s what you are doing to the people you are using, lying to, cheating, betraying, all for your own selfish gain. Realize that your pain will stop when you stop causing pain to others.

Fedora Loves You. Peace!

The Phenomenal Booty Call

It’s official. He’s crazy. An old lover came back apologizing for treating me bad, which he did. I recognized an opportunity so I decided to allow him back into my life after a brief hiatus. Daddy told me to always make sure I got what I wanted in any relationship with a man. If you are reading this Daddy, you would be proud of your Goddess.

Do you know he came back with the same game. No difference at all. When I called him on it all he could do was laugh. Lovers to say how embarrassed I was for him is being nice. I am not ashamed to admit that I got hooked up with the wrong man. But there was definitely something in it for me.

He was charming, handsome and the sex was phenomenal. But I know all too well that you can not build anything based on sex. So this time I took my time to see where he was leading.

When he first came back he was very attentive. He did and said all the right things. But it only lasted as long as it took for him to get what he wanted. Me in his bed. Well I was not mad when I left him that night. But he expected that I was going to stay with him, cuddle like we used to. Wrong!!!

Did he really think I hadn’t learned from him before. I had an agenda as well. I wanted sex from him just as much. So I equally used him. I never had any intention on staying. He gave me just what I wanted.

So I pull back and really start pushing him for more time, all the while knowing he can’t fulfill any of it. I am waiting to see how long before the shit hits the fan and he’s had enough.

It did not take long before he was already wanting to get out. Only the fool did not realize that he was being played the whole time. I never had any intention of resuming a relationship with him. Because I already knew the truth.

He is not quite mature enough for a real relationship with me. I knew that when I left him six months ago. This time I watched him. He was uncomfortable, didn’t know his place. He could not figure out where I was because I had changed.

I didn’t bring any bad to him only peace. He told me that I was his peace. But he brought me strife, lies, and chaos. The sad thing here is that he really does love me. But he has no clue what to do about it.

It takes a strong, confident man to love and guide me. That he is not because he still has much growing to do.

I saw him in a picture with his new woman and realized for the first time he really is not all I thought he was. She didn’t really get anything. I made the right call following my spirit six months ago and letting him go.

So today I continue that path as I say goodbye to him for the last time. I will not open this door again not even for the phenomenal booty call. Although I will always love him, I am thankful for my freedom.

A Letter to My Heart

Dear Heart,

How are you? I know I keep you at a distance but I feel you often. You know it’s difficult for me to open that door. It only stays open but a short moment at a time. That’s about all I can handle. My Heart was not built to withstand the vulnerabilities of love. At least that’s what they kept trying to tell me. You know the advisors that are always whispering into your ear. Trying to convince you that your Heart is misleading you and it can’t be trusted.

Yes, that is what they have said. But I don’t believe them anymore. See I have watched you over the past year and I see something different inside you. You are moving a little quicker, pumping just a little harder, working very hard to build momentum. You are loving again! It looks good on you. Your color has changed and you smile more.

But heart my dear, I don’t want to be rescued because it indicates that I am weak, a victim needing assistance. I would much rather be redeemed. Being redeemed indicates that he is investing in my worth. But how will she be redeemed when she doesn’t know her worth? When she settles for far less than her father ever sought for his princess.

Yes dear, I learned that you must love self-first, good or indifferent. You must love yourself. You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and love all of you. Say to yourself in your current state. “I love you despite what you have done, you are worthy of so much more!”

Love who you are as you strive to live on purpose. Love the journey and grow, alone first. You must know yourself intimately before you allow another to know you that way. My dear heart this is how you guard yourself. Stay focused on your destiny and keep growing. Keep loving openly and honestly it will make you thrive. Love yourself dear heart, on purpose!

Fedora loves you.

Peace