Just some of my thoughts on…. Messy Love

Messy love…

Love is never uncomplicated for me. Why? I don’t know. I encountered a song by Corinne Bailey Rae “Till It Happens to You”. Damn wish someone would have told me. Told me how messy love takes away the color of love.

Passion burns hot through our love. We will always have the red heat between us. But due to division in our love only a stripe represents what used to cover the entire heart. The gray covers most of our picture because hearts have been hurt. As I see my friends in similar messy relationships, I begin to wonder has the become the new thing?

What happened to truth? What happened to respect? I can remember times when people may have been in messy relationships, but they respected each other. Respect is now a dirty word as I watch people using innocent children to keep someone close to them. How people use those who love them as pawns in a chess game. What happened to respect? What happened to integrity?

Wait am I fooling myself.

Messy love paints stripes on your heart. The red stripe of passion that comes and goes. The gold stripe of what will be if you ever get there. The gray stripes take up most of the heart because this is where the truth lives. The reality of the love. The pain of the love. The gratitude of the love. The compromise. The purpose for all this is here as well.

But there are times when the purpose gets buried so deep that I forget. I forget that there was a really good reason and purpose for our connection, our love, for each other. But when those moments hit, the real ugly truth of the messiness. I lose a little bit and the color fades a little more. But the shininess of the gold stripe keeps me when he says, “Hey Beautiful”, along with the heat of the passion as he expresses his true adoration of me. That makes it hard to stay in the gray.

So, despite the messiness of this love. I still find the desire to open my heart each time he is near me. To love regardless of what I get back. To love on purpose. Purpose may or may not return to you. So, if you don’t have a good reason (purpose) for loving and staying, then they gray may take over. Allow purpose to be your foundation for love.

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Till It Happens To You by Corinne Bailey Rae

Wish someone would have told me!

 

 

 

Fedora Loves You. Peace

 

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[Verse 1]
I know what I said was heat
Of the moment
But, there’s a little truth in
Between the words we’ve spoken
It’s a little late now to fix a heart
That’s broken
Please don’t ask me where I’m going

[Chorus]
Cause I don’t know, no I don’t know
Anymore
It used feel like heaven, it used feel like
May, I used to hear those violins playing
Harp strings like a symphony
Now they’ve gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
But, you won’t believe what love can do
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

[Verse 2]
Went to the old flat
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back
But, how come that nothing feels the same now
When I’m with you?
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen when
Our love was new
Ooh love am I a fool to believe in you

[Chorus 2]
Cause I don’t know, no I don’t know anymore
It used feel like heaven, it used feel like may
I used hear those violins playing harp strings
Like a symphony now there gone away
Nobody wants to know the truth until their
Hearts broken
Don’t you dare tell them what you think to do
Until they get over, you can only learn these things
From experience when you get older
I just wish that someone would’ve told me
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Transistions In Love

Transitions in Love

Sometimes we go through storms of transition. Many believe that the path of love will be a cloud walk. Lost in the love of your beloved and everything will magically work out. This is so untrue. Love takes work, patience, endurance, and forgiveness.

Transitions are not easy. During transitions you experience a tearing away of the old and the opening of a new unfamiliar path. This path is often empty as you have never traveled it before. then the fear bombards you as you realize you have no control over this at all. I am merely a piece of clay in the master’s hand. He is shaping me into what he wants through this path. How do I navigate this path of love successfully?

We have been on our love journey now for three years. We have overcome so many obstacles. We have broken up several times. But our souls yearn for each other and always find their way  back to each other. We both attempted to leave each other again over the past month. I started it and then he did it. But this time I said NO! We are only going to come right back. This is another one of those hurdles, those fearful moments when the reality of love overwhelms the heart.

I also realized that I will love him as long as I live. Some soul ties never die. I also learned the reason why we always come back is because we exchange an energy between us that gives us life. We commune with each other on a spiritual level when we make love. We literally give ourselves to the other. We live inside each other.

But even after the many obstacles I stand today and say it is all worth it! He is worth it! We are worth it! He is a quality man with the purest heart.  I will allow love to flow between us, through us, inside us, and from us. I love you handsome!!

As you face a new path, a transition in life, remember it is only a temporary change in your path. It is not how it will stay.

Fedora loves you. Peace

Just some of my thoughts…

Unravel me

Lovers,

Let me share with you why I am sharing this song. As you know certain songs speak to my spirit, this is one of them. I am entering a phase where I am guarding myself sexually. Often we give ourselves to those who disregard the importance and meaning of sexual love.

There are times when one should abstain in order to bring balance and harmony back to your spirit. This is important because as we connect with our mates sexually we also take in their spirit. We become entangled in their battles, agendas, love, glory etc. Now this is okay when that is your intention. You both have decided to become life partners this is exactly what you want.

But if that is not your plan, then entangling yourself in this way disturbs the natural order of your life and goals. So at this point I am finally refocused on my purpose and I do have those who are attempting unravel me.

Lovers it is not easy because once the door to desire has been opened you can’t close it. All you can do is attempt to keep the fire as low as possible. I have successfully abstained for about five years previously. But this time it’s harder. But I intend to stand my ground!

I know you’re trying but you’ll never unravel me!!!!

Fedora Loves you. Peace.

Just some of my thoughts… War to Live

War to Live

When I was in elementary school I used to get bullied and would run home everyday to avoid fighting. I was scared in and out of the house. By middle school I had stopped running. I still didn’t want to fight but I stood up to my enemies. At least I began to fight back in my mind.

By the time I reached adulthood that shit just wasn’t funny anymore. Not only did I stop running, I beat the shit out of two of them. I got tired of being bothered for just being me. I am one of the most peaceful people you could ever meet, but when I was a child everyone wanted to fight me.

I developed anxiety and it ran my life until I got tired of that too. It seems like I am in an all out war just to live!

So I count each victorious day as though we won the war because you need to reward progress. For those who have been stuck for many years, these small moments are big deals.

When you face your fears you realize that what appeared as a giant in the dark really was only a big rock. A big rock that can be pushed aside. A big rock can still cause harm but it’s smaller and it can’t block your path.

You realize you are strong enough to push that rock out of the way. Each victory makes that rock shrink until you can crush it with your foot. Today I realized that the rock is not as big as I thought. I can kick the rock now.

I faced some difficult parts of self this week. I saw the broken woman who used to wander this earth in my body in another broken woman. God showed me where I came from. He showed me my growth. I didn’t expect to get so emotional though.

I cried not because I was still in pain, but because I had never seen myself. She was lost, torn, hurt, angry, EMPTY. She was just moving around like a puppet, not making any purposeful moves.

I remember that day when someone put their arm on my shoulder and spoke in my ear. This is not you, where did YOU go. I was told that I wasn’t myself. Thus began my war. My war to LIVE!

That was over 15 years ago. Long time right? My war to live is a lifetime war. Today was a victorious day! So I am celebrating it like I won the war!!