Asides

Just some of my thoughts…

Unravel me

Lovers,

Let me share with you why I am sharing this song. As you know certain songs speak to my spirit, this is one of them. I am entering a phase where I am guarding myself sexually. Often we give ourselves to those who disregard the importance and meaning of sexual love.

There are times when one should abstain in order to bring balance and harmony back to your spirit. This is important because as we connect with our mates sexually we also take in their spirit. We become entangled in their battles, agendas, love, glory etc. Now this is okay when that is your intention. You both have decided to become life partners this is exactly what you want.

But if that is not your plan, then entangling yourself in this way disturbs the natural order of your life and goals. So at this point I am finally refocused on my purpose and I do have those who are attempting unravel me.

Lovers it is not easy because once the door to desire has been opened you can’t close it. All you can do is attempt to keep the fire as low as possible. I have successfully abstained for about five years previously. But this time it’s harder. But I intend to stand my ground!

I know you’re trying but you’ll never unravel me!!!!

Fedora Loves you. Peace.

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Do You Know How Much He Loves You

Unfortunately, I don’t have fond memories of love in my life. The majority of people who said they loved me, also hurt me. Therefore, I grew up with a distorted view of love.

As a young woman I realized that men gave me attention because of my physical appearance and somewhere in my head equated that to finding love. Little did I know they were only seeking their own lustful desires. I am glad that I now know the difference and no longer seek love through sex.

But I still struggle with receiving love. When I first started my healing journey, I had to learn about loving myself first. Only through self-love would I be able to receive love from others. I had not realized that somewhere along my painful journey I believed I was unlovable.

Thank God for healing, as I no longer feel this way. I love myself and give love to others freely. But I still struggle with receiving love. I actually struggle with recognizing love as well. This is something that I have been working on in my Spiritual walk.

God mimics love for us in how he cares for us. Love is not a word that is said but rather something that is done. There have been numerous occasions where God has revealed the actions of love bestowed upon me by others that I had missed.

This is what I have learned:

  • People who love you stay connected to you. They may not be in your life everyday but they are always there if you need them. They show you that through their actions.
  • People who love you may not always say how much they love you. But they may sing your praises to others.
  • People who love you will give of themselves to help you when you are in need. It’s like they are compelled to do so because they cannot stand to see you suffer.
  • People who love you encourage you to be your best. They don’t pretend like they don’t see your shortcomings, they love all of you, even the shortcomings.
  • People who love you will protect you. While you may get hurt in any relationship, a person who loves you seeks to protect the beloved from harm and danger. Like a mother shields her young.

This is not intended to be an exhaustive list of how love is displayed but it is a glimpse into being able to recognize love in your life. I have spent too many years running away from those who love me due to my own fears. So as I recognize some of these acts of love in my life and relationships I am moving toward them now instead of away.

Yes, I want to know how much he really loves me, so I am paying attention and embracing all that God has for me in the second half of my life.

Fedora Loves You. Peace!

Forgiveness is Easy, Forgetting is another Chapter

Lover’s I realize that I am in a healing space right now. Someone has hurt me deeply to the core of my being and I must forgive them. It has been hard because the people who hurt me are people I love.

I must forgive so that I can move on but I do not forget. Nor do I allow those people back into my life so easily. They have to earn a place in my life. They have to earn my trust, loyalty, love again. It will not be freely given.

Should they choose not to return, that is just fine. I have made peace with all of them. I have found my safe place and have managed just fine without them. Yes I miss them sometimes but being alone is worth the peace I have gained.

To those who are still selfishly hurting others. Take a minute and consider your own pain. Imagine someone digging a weapon in your open wound and how unbearable it would be emotionally. That’s what you are doing to the people you are using, lying to, cheating, betraying, all for your own selfish gain. Realize that your pain will stop when you stop causing pain to others.

Fedora Loves You. Peace!

Now I am Found…

Now I am Found... by Fedora

Now I am found. Found in what. What has found me. I have found patience, faith, and determination in love. This is not my first time loving a man. But it is my first time deciding to stand and make this love work in our lives. Myles Munroe said that “love is not the foundation of marriage, you need knowledge and understanding.” The love comes easy. Often quickly but love alone cannot sustain the relationship.

This time I allowing to slow me down in the building of this love and commitment. I have learned that there are many forces opposed to love. Things or people destined to destroy the love relationship are in abundance. But finding support in successfully standing in your love relationship are scarce.

Recently I have seen several love relationships meltdown right in front of me. They shared common denominators, anger, pain, confusion, and ignorance. Yes, ignorance. People do not know how to understand each other enough to really love and support the person not their feelings.

Patience, willing spirit, and listening will tell you all you need to know. Even what’s wrong. Sometimes we turn a deaf ear to what’s wrong. This keeps us waiting longer because we cannot build with another when we are not whole ourselves. I know this because I lived this.

I told you that last time. I am confidently lost. I know who I am and I am confidently stumbling through my new path with a smile on my face and love in my heart. I am a whole woman who loves a broken man. He desires wholeness and is currently seeking it but it requires patience and understanding on my part.

Obtaining wholeness takes sacrifice, time, and perseverance. To become whole you first must sacrifice what you believe to be true and face your real truth. Acknowledge your shortcomings, face those painful moments, and who you have allowed yourself to become as a result of the pain. Then allow yourself time to heal. Healing means dealing with the pain. No more running. Let the tears fall. Say what you need to say. Then stand your ground on your new path. Don’t allow others to steal your newfound joy and love.

I am now in my period of standing. God has amazed me this year. Everywhere I turn He is there showing me how well I am loved. Abundance and favor has reigned on me since the new year began. I eagerly anticipate what the rest of this year will produce. I have taken ownership of my life and my path. I know what I deserve and will not accept anything less than that in any area of my life.

Everything happens when it’s supposed to happen. I am living that in my life right now, as I watch things that were promised years ago manifest before my eyes with no delay. It is amazing, scary, and fulfilling at the same time. But there is no other place I would rather be.

I Once Was Lost…

Lovers,

I have been introduced to another soul that speaks to my heart. Sabrina Claudio’s soulful ballads are uplifting. Her words in “Confidently Lost” resonates deep within me. How can one be confidently lost? I am confidently lost because I am on a road I have never traveled. At times I find myself wandering when I encounter new parts of the journey.

But I am confident about my path and my purpose. I am purposely leaving some things, people, ways, habits, mindsets, and beliefs behind me. As I look back on this year I see ups and downs, lots of emotional pain, more than most could probably bare because I was forced to face some truth. Truth about myself and how lost I have been most of my life. Running around in circles never finding an end.

But I have finally stopped running! I am standing here facing an uncertain future as I walk out this new journey in 2018. It’s a little scary because I am vulnerable. I have finally opened my heart to love. It’s great and I don’t know what to expect. Which is good because I can be surprised at what it will bring into my path. Expectations can ruin things sometimes. So I am open to where the love leads us.

She says in her song “I am confidently lost, I don’t need you to find me, I don’t need you to define me.” For the first time in my adult life I no longer need a man to define me because I know who I am as a woman and his woman. I am a mature woman who feels 15 years younger than she is. I am invigorated by life, all of it, even the shit that hurts. The pain shapes us and forces us to stand tall. Fortitude!  Which is what it should do. But I won’t allow it to cut off my heart from giving and receiving love.

I desire love in all areas of my life. I don’t want to dwell around people who cannot love life, themselves, and others. The negativity is life draining. So as she says in her song-“Thinking about where I am from If I belong there“- speaks to my decision to separate myself from the negativity.

Although my path is unknown, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I am confident that I am not going back to anything I left in 2017. Goodbye heartache, negativity, jealousy, abuse, poverty, homelessness, fake friends, fake family, lies, deceit, selfishness, lack, loneliness, rejection, bondage, barriers, jobs with no purpose, people with no purpose, booty calls, and hiding.

I love you for supporting me over the last few years. This blog has been an evolution and transformation for me. There are bigger things coming from Fedora!!

Fedora Loves You! Peace

Fedora Loves You. Fedora Loves Poetry