Tag Archives: god’s grace

Angels Are Hard to Love

I sat across from him at the table. He is so handsome, just like when I first met him almost 30 years ago. His light touch of gray lends to his distinguished look. So sexy. I shook my head because he is so sexy but also such an angelic spirit at times.

“Okay. Let’s focus.” I say to myself.

“What did you want to know?” He asks. He was always direct. Respected that about him. Except when it came to his heart. That was always indirect.

“I wanted to know how you are and how that relates to me?” I answered.

From this point on he begins to dig deep inside himself and tell me how he really is. He doesn’t look directly at me instead he directs his gaze to his right as he speaks. But I am looking directly at him. I know he is speaking truth because the last time he confessed his truth to me he did the same thing. He averted my eyes and spoke from his soul. That one was a huge one too. So, I anxiously await his words.

“My current relationship is over and we are separating in the next three months. She says I am selfish. I stopped cheating for her. She agreed to allow me to have her any way and anytime I wanted sexually so there was no need for other women. I stayed with her only. You know that is not my norm?” He says.

“Yes, I know that.” I reply.

“She is not submissive, she doesn’t take care of me, doesn’t want to cuddle, and won’t cook. I don’t understand why she just won’t love me. I don’t hang out in the street. I go to work and I come home to her. But she complains that I crowd her.” He says. I hear the pain in his voice as he speaks.

My mind immediately goes to our past relationship and how he never would love me that way. I knew it was in him to love that way but he always kept me at such a distance. I remember a time when I would do anything for him. All I wanted to do was love him so I gave myself to him completely especially sexually. I go to that place in my mind…

I stood in front of him to satisfy his visual pleasure. My black thigh high fishnets gripped the curves of my plump legs. The top rustled a little from the fullness of my thighs, as the garter clip tightened the grip. He loved the red garter and bra set. Of course, no panties was always the rule. My pussy glistened from the oil and moisture.

“What do you want baby?” I asked seductively.

“You on my lap.” He said.

I walked over towards him but stopped a few steps in front of him. I put my right foot on the table. Slowly I rubbed my fingers across my rock-hard clit. I moaned when they made contact. I maintained eye contact with him as I slipped my fingers inside my wet hole collecting all the cum. Then I took my fingers out and put them in his mouth. He licked them clean. Then pulled me to him.

I straddled him. His dick stood erect like the monument. I had to take my time. I slowly lowered my wet pussy on his head. Teased a little, only allowing the head to enter. He grabbed my hips. I motioned No. He loosened his grip. I continued to make love to his head. I felt the rush of cum from inside me. I submerged myself on him completely just as the orgasm hit me.

“Ooohhhh!!!!” I screamed.

The orgasm was intense and I began a steady stroke allowing him to feel all of my heat. I stroked him hard and fast gasping each time he hit the top of my pelvis. I took all of him inside me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful!” He said as he pulled my face to his.

He kissed me while I continued to ride him. We got lost in a momentum of kisses, humps, bumps and pulls. We rode together this way until he released the waterfall inside me. I collapsed on him, spent from the emotional, spiritual and physical energies we exchanged.

It was always that easy to get lost in each other. He continues to tell me about his previous marriage and how she went fatal attraction on him because she found out he was cheating. It sounded ugly. Thing is, I remember when he was dating her. He pushed me away just to be with her. Kept telling me I was only his friend, although he would melt just from me touching his hand. Who was he trying to convince me or himself?

I continue to listen. Now he is talking about how he doesn’t want to do this again. He wants to live alone for a while. He needs to reconnect with God but doesn’t really know what that looks like. I see the confusion on his face. As I listen I am reminded of the many years I was always so conveniently there after every break up. Always his ride or die. Until I crashed one day and I found myself alone. He wasn’t there for me.

I always knew he was in love with me but he was also fearful of our love and would not allow himself to bask in it. So, he kept me away from him a lot especially when he his heart was tender for me. But loving him on and off like this for almost 30-years had taken its toll on me. That’s why when he called, I suggested that we talk first. I don’t have time to pour into empty barrels anymore. No need to stir up things if there is nowhere to go.

“I wanted to know if we could do the same things we used to do? I didn’t know if you were in a relationship or even active anymore.” He asks.

Once again so direct. He wants the same thing. I remember him telling me that one of his fondest moments between us was the first time we were sexual. He was amazed at how wet my pussy was and that it soaked my panties. Thing is, I don’t even remember that night almost 30-years ago. But his directness is much appreciated today.

“No baby. I have grown so much since you saw me. I give myself to those who want all of me. I am a package deal now. When I wanted to love you, you rejected me every time and dumped me for the latest and greatest. Now you come and want me to do the same. I stopped loving you years ago. I love myself now.” I respond.

I am not angry, surprisingly not hurt either. I didn’t allow my heart to hope this time because well I know him. As I was talking I had an epiphany. I realized that I have always been his 30-year fling but he was always my love.

Back 2 Life by LeToya Luckett

Maybe I’m supposed to lie
Maybe I’m not too good at saying goodbyes, gotta get better
Maybe I’m supposed to break down
Or willing to fake how
You’re making me feel, tell me whenever
Somehow I thought I could build with you
I thought it was real with you
Doubted myself now
I don’t really know
I told myself that every day

Maybe we’ll survive
Maybe it’s a lie
To keep our love alive
But I know you want to ride
So I gotta get…

Back to life…
(Back to reality)
Back to life…
Back to reality
Back to life…
(Back to reality)
I love you even though you ain’t good for me

I remember when we stunted in your new thing
Got you curvy side bitches like some loose change
I made you my new flame
I been ridin’ wit cha
Don’t you remember when I told you I would stay down
Not going back ’cause maybe I need break now
Before I break down

Worked so hard
It’s so hard
Baby to let it fall apart
Fall apart
So I gotta get…

Back to life…
(Back to reality)
Back to life…
Back to reality
Back to life…
(Back to reality)
I love you even though you ain’t good for me

I just gotta get back baby
Away now, away now
(I love you even though you ain’t good for me)
You ain’t living the life that you claim
All of that shit is a game
I’mma just work through the pain
And get back to my life

Lately
You don’t get it
I can’t get you off my mind
And you can have them other bitches
Cause I’m not the jealous type

I used to think it was me
But it’s your own insecurities
You know that I love you crazy
Thing is you think that
I’ll never leave

So I gotta get back to life
Back to reality
So I gotta get back to life
Get back to me
Back to life..
Back to reality..
Back
Back to life..
Back to reality..
I love you even though you ain’t good for me

(Back to life)
(Back to reality)

Owning Your Truth

Owning your truth. When you know your truth but are afraid to walk in it who benefits from such indecision? My truth is that I really love him and want to be his wife. But the second part of my truth is that I am not ready to be his everything right now. The answer is no one because everything becomes stagnate when indecision rules.

So, what is your truth? I mean what is really keeping you stuck in your current love cycle? Take a moment and sit quietly. Allow your mind to be still. Hear what your heart beats. Listen to the cries of your soul. Find your truth. It’s important because it’s a crucial step towards living on purpose in love.

Perhaps your truth lands you in a peculiar spot where your path is not as solid as you’d hoped. The important thing is to land. Once truth settles your feet on the ground, you will find your path. Although, my truth says that I want to marry again the path is not leading directly to it. No, my path is leading towards individual purpose before joint purpose.

Growth as US requires two strong individuals growing together as they learn to balance love and life. You both have to be ready, willing, and able to provide all that is desired. This is a step that is missed by young couples today. You feel that rush of feelings, the connection, and you dive in heart first. I am not saying that it is not good to follow your heart either. But your head should lead when considering commitment.

Finally, allow your spirit to help you discover your truth. Pray and ask God for guidance towards this step so that you will accept what is being revealed to you. Truth brings the path towards purpose.

Fedora loves you. Peace

Fedora

Sometimes We Die a Little

Sometimes
Our hearts cause us
To make decisions that
Bring us joy

While our mind
Tells us to stop
Because it thinks
It needs more

Sometimes
The simple things
Are enough
To satisfy

But the masses
Keep saying
You need
To multiply
To diversify

Sometimes
Our lives spiral
Out of control
Not because we lie
But because
We choose to die

When we make choices
That reflect the world
Choosing not to live
According to His word

Sometimes
We forget
That we are humans
Flawed from within

Failing to realize
With God
We will always win