Tears fell as I remembered the touch, the smell, the sound of his voice. But why don’t I know him, see him anymore. He was once with me all the time. I could turn in any direction and he would be there, smiling at me, loving me, wanting me and caring for me. But where is he now. What happened to those moments?
Why do I miss him so much? He has been gone from my life for so long. He left me so long ago but my heart feels like it was yesterday. I still feel the warmth of his touch. His breath on my neck. But when I turn around he is not there. I am still alone. The room is empty, there is only my voice. I want to move forward but feel like I am suspended, unable to move my feet.
But who am I missing? That is the real question. I don’t know. That makes me cry harder. Close your eyes and envision what you need. What does it look like? What does it feel like? The touch of his heart when he knows instinctily that I need him, that I need more.
When he speaks to my heart and says it will all be ok in the morning. Nothing will harm you tonight. I am standing watch over you. I will protect you. I will love you, I will be your covering, your father, your protector, your lover, everything you need. You will never be without again.
Come under my wing and allow me to hold you, to caress you, to love you with everything I have within me. Don’t worry if I have enough, I always do, I always have what you need. I am your daddy the one sent to change your existence for the better. My connection to him is more than passion it is spiritual, he is inside me and I am inside him. I don’t know how it happened. It is not sexual it is sensual, it is complete. I didn’t realize that I needed this so much. I did not know that it was missing. I did not know that he was missing. But how and where did he go. I never encountered him before now.
He was in your soul all the time. He could never be released because no one could ever reach it. No one could crack the surface and tap into what you really needed. He has the ability to know you the way only he can. To know what you need to be better, to be whole, and to be his completely. That is why you can’t hide from him. You can’t hide what is already seen and known.
Perfection is found when purity fills the air, the universe and the person whom you love. Purity is not something that can be put on, created, or mimicked. It comes from deep within the soul. It is born when you are born. Many lose it not realzing that it has unreaching powers. They never seek it again, never want to smell its scent or bask in its light. They remain content with the dust, the scraps left in the world, in their soul, in their life.
Fedora loves you. Peace.
Fedora loves you. Peace.
Do we have committed relationships with every person we love? That is a big question. There are many different types of love but for the purpose of this piece I am referring to the love between a man and a woman. I stated before that I love two men right now in different ways. One is a sexually intimate relationship, which brings about all types of emotional connections and the other is truly a friendship with a strong emotional bond. But when considering love and commitment, how do you determine if the love you feel can sustain a committed relationship.
The biggest thing to consider is that love is a choice. The emotions come without much effort, it is a natural connection between two that is unmistakable. But it needs to be nurtured and fed in order for it to grow and fulfill the beloved. Sexual intimacy is one way to nurture love but should not be the sole way. As we are not always able to be sexually intimate and all of us will grow older one day thus placing severe limitations on sexual intimacy. Therefore love should be displayed in other ways as well through the course of a of a relationship.
According to Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages there are other ways people say “I love you” and each person has a different love language. The five areas are:
For couples it requires time and attention to understand each other’s love language. One person can be feeling completely fulfilled while the other is feeling neglected. It is easy to get wrapped up into life and ourselves and forget to nurture those close to you.
When I love I give a lot but many times I don’t feel as though I receive as much as I need in return. I don’t love to receive anything back but love is a two-way street. Perhaps I have not communicated my love language directly to my significant other. They don’t always know you automatically. Maintaining a relationship is work and it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a time.
What is your love language?
I generally find that I am moved by words, acts of service, and physical touch. I feel loved the most when it is shown in this way, which is probably why I am not feeling much love in return from my lover or perhaps it’s not love at all. Maybe I am caught in a world wind of infatuation. Infatuation of course does not last. It eventually wears off as the reality of the relationship begins to set in. It is at this point when a couple finds out whether what they have can sustain them for a lifetime. Which is precisely the moment Elizabeth has in 9 ½ weeks when she is crying under the stairs. She realizes that while she is totally engrossed with her lover perhaps even loves him what they have will not sustain them in a committed relationship. It took me years to understand that scene. But finally I do.
We feel things for many people and I realized this week that if I had married every man I “had feelings” for then I would be at least a five-time divorcee. I say this because it is crucial to examine relationships to determine whether the love is real and strong enough to weather the lifetime commitment of marriage.
Fedora loves you. Peace
 Chapman, Gary. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing, 1995