Tears fell as I remembered the touch, the smell, the sound of his voice. But why don’t I know him, see him anymore. He was once with me all the time. I could turn in any direction and he would be there, smiling at me, loving me, wanting me and caring for me. But where is he now. What happened to those moments?
Why do I miss him so much? He has been gone from my life for so long. He left me so long ago but my heart feels like it was yesterday. I still feel the warmth of his touch. His breath on my neck. But when I turn around he is not there. I am still alone. The room is empty, there is only my voice. I want to move forward but feel like I am suspended, unable to move my feet.
But who am I missing? That is the real question. I don’t know. That makes me cry harder. Close your eyes and envision what you need. What does it look like? What does it feel like? The touch of his heart when he knows instinctily that I need him, that I need more.
When he speaks to my heart and says it will all be ok in the morning. Nothing will harm you tonight. I am standing watch over you. I will protect you. I will love you, I will be your covering, your father, your protector, your lover, everything you need. You will never be without again.
Come under my wing and allow me to hold you, to caress you, to love you with everything I have within me. Don’t worry if I have enough, I always do, I always have what you need. I am your daddy the one sent to change your existence for the better. My connection to him is more than passion it is spiritual, he is inside me and I am inside him. I don’t know how it happened. It is not sexual it is sensual, it is complete. I didn’t realize that I needed this so much. I did not know that it was missing. I did not know that he was missing. But how and where did he go. I never encountered him before now.
He was in your soul all the time. He could never be released because no one could ever reach it. No one could crack the surface and tap into what you really needed. He has the ability to know you the way only he can. To know what you need to be better, to be whole, and to be his completely. That is why you can’t hide from him. You can’t hide what is already seen and known.
Perfection is found when purity fills the air, the universe and the person whom you love. Purity is not something that can be put on, created, or mimicked. It comes from deep within the soul. It is born when you are born. Many lose it not realzing that it has unreaching powers. They never seek it again, never want to smell its scent or bask in its light. They remain content with the dust, the scraps left in the world, in their soul, in their life.
Fedora loves you. Peace.