Earlier this year I introduced the topic of polygamy for discussion on my blog. This topic has interested me because of things I saw as a girl. I watched both of my aunts share a man for life. Then I met a man who was born from such a union. He became my best friend and I was able to see first hand how being raised under those circumstances affects the life of the child.
But I am not here today to tell others’ stories. I just don’t find it coincidental that God has allowed me to witness these things. As I looked back over my past relationships I was able to see a pattern in the men I attracted. I am not ashamed to admit that I have attracted some less than desirable people too. See, when you’re broken you attract to you what you see in yourself. In my early years, I did not see my worth or my beauty. I saw what those who wanted me saw. An object of sex.
I stopped looking for love a long time ago. I married someone I didn’t love and shared men because it was what was displayed in front of me by the adults in my life. I never knew there were other options. Somewhere over the years, I came to believe that you either had to settle for sharing a man you loved or marrying someone you didn’t love. Not blaming my parents either but what they show becomes our foundation usually unconsciously.
I have shared a man for almost 30 years. He came into my life when I was 21 years old. I was in love with him almost instantly. But I was never his only woman. In fact, he always had several. When I met him he was living with his then-girlfriend. Now don’t get me wrong I am not blaming this man. I went into this with my eyes wide open. I knew who he was but I loved him anyway and unconditionally.
We have not been in a relationship for all of this time. Over the span of the 30 years, we both have been married and had other relationships. But we always maintained a “soul” tie. He was never far away from me. We still have each other’s number. You know. But I haven’t loved him for many years. I was stuck for the majority of these years. I never understood why I was stuck until about 15 years ago.
How do you stay stuck for so long? When you are broken, you know it, and you are too scared to face your reality. My worst fear was always that he really didn’t love me. Which at that time, would shatter the whole world I had built around our connection. I was scared to face myself. You have read posts over the last couple of years about my journey of facing myself.
I would never entertain a man like him now. Why? Because I am different. I am not that scared little girl who is afraid of love and herself. He has tried over the last five years to maintain this connection but I have rejected him each time. My worst fear was realized when he married for the third time last month. He doesn’t love me, never did. Guess what? It didn’t kill me. It didn’t send me off the deep end. It released me!
Hallelujah!!! It released me from him, from the spiritual bondage. My relationship with him has made me see the parallels with the woman at the well from the Bible. When we lay with several men and they put their seed in us, they become our spiritual husband. We are bound for life or until the bond is broken by another covenant. Usually, another marriage breaks the spiritual bond.
But imagine if you never broke those spiritual bonds. You would walk around spiritually connected to all of those men or women. This applies to both people in the relationship. Be courageous and face your past hurts so you can set yourself and others free!