Welcome to 2019. A new year, a new light, and a new outlook on love. I have been quiet for most of 2018. Why? It was a rough year. I realized after new year’s that I was in survival mode last year. Things breezed by me so quickly that I had no real participation in things. I almost lost everything last year. Including the love of my life.
I was ready to give up my love due to my issues and our inability to embrace love. Fear of commitment had us running away from the love that nurtures us. Yes, our love breathes life into us, always has. But we both came out of painful marriages and were bruised. So, we kept each other at a distance.
I took a few months to regroup and find myself again. After experiencing so much trauma and wandering around, I realized that I had also lost some pieces of self. I didn’t know what I wanted but I took a stand and faced my fears. I slowly began to deal with my heart.
The first thing I accepted was that I was scared to commit again. I committed myself to my marriage and when it didn’t work out, I reverted back to how I used to be. I didn’t go back to my old behaviors, but I did allow the fear to keep me from having a real relationship.
When you come face to face with all the ugliness in your self and in your relationships, you realize who you really are. I found out that I was a lonely woman who thought she was not worthy of love because of how others treated her in the past. I have been used and betrayed by my men, my friends, family, and learned not to trust anyone. For this reason, I would not allow anyone to get close to me.
But last year, I faced my truth as I realized that if I didn’t do something to change this, I would be alone the rest of my life. This is not what I wanted. I wanted companionship. I wanted to get married again. But most of all, I just wanted to love and be loved.
Why is it so hard to embrace love?
This year I will share more about my journey and how I am embracing my new outlook on life and love. I will also be publishing my first book of poetry.
Open your hearts and your minds for new topics, new challenges and of course more love. Fedora has much in store for you this year.