Walk Away by Christina Aguilera

What do you do when you know something’s bad for you
And you still can’t let go?
I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
And it hurts my soul
Cause I can’t let go
All these walls are caving in
I can’t stop my suffering
I hate to show that I’ve lost control
‘Cause I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from ya
I need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away
I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn’t see through the smoke
It was all an illusion

Continue reading Walk Away by Christina Aguilera

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Love By Choice, Not By Need

Love by choice, not by need

I always share the positive side of love because that’s my purpose. However, I do realize that there are many unhealthy relationships in existence that are being prolonged by codependency but are masquerading as love. So how do you know that you are choosing love versus needing love?

Have you ever heard the term codependency? It’s when you live under the falsehood that you can control how someone feels by controlling them, things, and situations. Codependent people love out of need not by choice. They love in an attempt to make themselves whole or feel better. This myth however never materializes into anything real. They are left living in a rose shaded world that only exists to them. The love they thought they had was only something they were trying to create and control.

Love is a choice. But how do you know that you are choosing to love because it’s real and not because you are trying to feed some sort of need within yourself? Codependents need the love of their partner to feel whole. When you choose to love a partner, you are already an independent whole person and you are choosing to share yourself and your heart with another.

Attempting to build a relationship on a codependent foundation is like building a house on sand. Eventually the weight of the unhealthy love will crumble and the relationship will fail. A healthy love relationship must be built on a solid foundation between two people who are independently whole and sound themselves. You cannot expect that another person is going to make everything in your life better.

If you have a sense of being dependent on your lover to make you feel better or you don’t feel okay being separated from them you may be experiencing an unhealthy love. In a healthy relationship, distance should enhance your love not threaten it. Codependents feel threatened when their method of coping is taken away. Suddenly they are not safe, not okay, and need to regain their balance. But in a healthy relationship when you are away from the one you love, you do miss them, but you don’t feel like the world is falling apart rather it deepens your love for them.

Picture from yinyangmother.com
Picture from yinyangmother.com

I choose to love not because I need a man to make me whole or make me feel better about myself. There was a time in my life when I needed love. But not anymore. Praise God for healing my heart and showing me that his love was all I ever needed and that self-love is the first step to successfully loving others. I am at a point in my life where I am content, happy and at peace alone. Yes, I do love another because I choose to love him. I have learned that it is good to keep boundaries and allow each other the space to grow. When you overlap that is a sign that you are probably in an unhealthy space. The goal is to be in unison and work towards a union. Like in the yin yang symbol they come together to form one whole, not overlap and drown each other. They remain independent but together. That is the goal of healthy love.

Standing Still

Just some of my thoughts... Standing Still

When he hurts, I hurt. I feel him in my heart. But how? How are we able to connect with another person in that way? I never understood it but I have experienced it. Love is like that. It binds you, which is why I always say that a person who genuinely loves you will do their best not to hurt you because hurting you would hurt them.

So what do you do? You can’t take away their pain and you can’t fix what’s wrong. Just stand, be there, and love them. Don’t try to fix things for them, but try to see their perspective. Give them the space to grieve, be angry, or whatever they need to heal. But don’t forget to be patient because it may take some time.

I was always the one who was on the supportive side. I called when they needed and they asked me how I knew. But now it was my turn. I was torn up emotionally that night, sitting in my car. I couldn’t move because of some things that had happened. I needed time. The phone rang unexpectedly. It was him. He quickly acknowledged everything I had said throughout the day to him. The tears stopped and I could breathe.

I began to tell him about what had me so upset, my world began to calm down. I could think. There was a silence on the phone. I asked him if he were still there. He said he wasn’t going anywhere. He was there and he didn’t say anything. He didn’t say anything wise to make me feel better. There was just silence. The silence that healed me that night. The silence that told me he could feel me like I felt him.

I’m not going anywhere! Sometimes standing still is all that’s needed.

Fedora loves you. Peace

How Could I

Do they know
How my heart aches for you
How my mind says no
But my heart overrides each time
As it searches for your eyes

I heard them talking
How could I…
How could I…
I thought that too
How could I…
But here I am
What do I say

Nothing I guess
I keep loving him
Despite the conversation I hear
How could I…
I ask myself as I consider
What to say

I say that I am caught
Caught in this moment
That I don’t quite know
This moment
That has me asking
How could I…

How could I…
Love him as I do
Knowing what I know
How could I…
Allow our hearts to collide

He loves me
I love him
That explains it all
The How could I…
Was never meant to
Grow into this
This crash where
Our hearts collide

The Story of Us – He Shares His Heart

Lovers, here is an excerpt from my new series “The Story of Us” an enticing love story between two unlikely hearts who share a similar journey. This story will not be shared via the blog, but will be published in an e-book. Look for the complete story soon….” Fedora Loves You. Peace

Dear Heart,

He came today bearing seeds in his heart. I am not prepared for what he presents to me. But here he is anyway with his bright eyes and his warm lips. He touches my heart so deeply.

“Making love to you is the ultimate of pleasure
Every time we kiss I get more than I miss loving you
Can’t afford to lose your love, it’s like losing a treasure
The price is never too high I’ll be with you til I die, girl it’s true

Oh you make my life complete and I’m so happy
And I’m glad to be with you
Oh you make my life complete
And I’m so happy and I’m glad to be with you”

The song blared from his phone. It is so sweet, it is so…. OMG! What is he saying? Why is he playing this for me? Is this how he feels?

This is the day I know he is falling in love. Yep, there is no mistaking it. What do I do? Do I cut this off or keep it going? What do I do with this young handsome loving man who wants me? God, I don’t know, let him love me. He looks at me in such a way that makes me blush. Makes me feel some type of way, much like a girl many  years younger.

I should just walk away and allow him to move on. But his eyes say much more than the words of this song he has played for me. Me, the one who has always doubted herself, her beauty, thought she was unlovable indeed. Now has this attention, no not just attention, real genuine love coming from such a lovely handsome man. He is many years my junior surely this is a lopsided situation.

But he does not stop. He keeps coming. He keeps loving. He does not go anywhere. He asks such questions like, “What would it take for you to allow a MAN back in.” With emphasis on a man. He wants to take care of me. Yes, I have been on my own for so long had to learn how to make things works without a man, without anyone, because there was no one. If I didn’t, then it didn’t happen. Nothing to be sad or mad about, it is just what it was. Flattered I allowed him to keep loving me. Perhaps because I needed this love more than I knew.

So, what do I do when he kisses me all the way up my arm and tells me how beautiful I am? I accept it. That’s what I do. Whether right or wrong, at this moment it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that love is being transmitted and it is speaking loud and clear. Today she has found her voice.

He closes the door and kisses my lips. Taking me in his arms he dances with me around the room. Making me feel like I am Cinderella for a moment. His hands slip into places they are familiar with. His touch sparks the energy between us and he lays me on the bed. His lips find their way to my nipples and soft caresses turn into a flame. He plays another song for me:

“How good it is, how good it is
How good it is, how good it is
I’m an orange moon
I’m brighter than before
Brighter than ever before
I’m an orange moon and I shine so bright
’cause I reflect the light of my sun
I praise the day, he turned my way
And smiled at me”

As the song plays, so does he. He finds his way to my spot. He is on top of me, those eyes speaking so much more than the song. As he enters me, I feel myself singing the chorus of this new song..

How good it is, how good it is
How good it is, how good it is

I’m an orange moon
I’m brighter than before

How good it feels too. He slowly strokes me, the head of his dick kissing each part of my pussy with all his tenderness. I am lost for a moment in his love. In his capture of my body. All I can think about as my body starts to orgasm is “How good it is, how good he is.” I wrap my legs around his waist and welcome him inside my bosom, inside my secret place. I allow him to touch my vulnerable spot. Inside and out he loves me so tenderly.