Love, Honesty & Jealousy
“Who tells a person I am going to visit my ex’s family? Who does that?” Yes, who does that. I do that because being honest and upfront fares much better than being shady. Being a person who respects other’s feelings, I think it’s best to keep things in the open. Lay everything on the table so that there is no speculation and no misunderstandings.
Now I am not the type of woman who has several intimate relationships. But I do maintain friendships. I am clear about what I want. Recently I felt the pangs of some jealousy when another’s company was preferred over mine. It made some thoughts come up that did not rest well with me. Made me want to question some things the next time we spoke.
But I quickly realized that perhaps I don’t want to know everything. Had I asked those questions I might have received way more than I was willing to deal with. So I didn’t ask the questions. I am content with not knowing, with the speculation. Indeed, if I needed to know then surely I would find out.
So it happens again and I realize this time I am going to ask because there is obvious reason to do so. I ask the question and find out what I thought I didn’t want to know. The thing is that I didn’t get mad, not to say I didn’t care but it wasn’t a big deal. It was expected. What does that say? Does that mean I really don’t care for him? No it doesn’t. It means that I am so passed unnecessary drama.
If any man I am involved with doesn’t realize what they have with me, then they are crazy. It is their loss. I will not be pulled into a lot of unnecessary drama because people don’t know how to be adults. Relationships should be based on respect, honesty, and love. When you love someone you do your best not to hurt them and you respect them enough to keep your dirt away from them.
I have learned that dating in the mature world opens you up to different dilemmas. Rarely will you find a person who does not carry some past relationship baggage. Baby mamas, daddies, best friends, etc. How do you deal with a lingering ex who is always on the other end of the phone, always in the middle of you two? Do you ignore them? Do you make a big deal out of it? What do you do?
You have to be grounded in each other, in your love and know that no one can rock that. In order to do that it requires being honest and sometimes opening up the dialogue to include things that you normally would not discuss, like visiting your ex’s family.
Jealousy can kill love because a person can become so consumed with things that may not be true. But honesty can ward off some of the jealous thoughts. Most of the jealous thoughts I have are mostly when I don’t know what is going on. When the person is being secretive I begin to think something is happening that shouldn’t be. I don’t allow it to linger though because I know that what I give cannot be duplicated by another woman. Yes it may sound cocky but it’s true. I am who God made me to be. I don’t apologize for that.